Gottman Love Maps: 60 Questions to Know Your Partner
A Guide to Deepening Emotional Intimacy Through Curiosity
By Lisa Chen, LMFT | Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy | Hermosa Beach, CA
Most couples don’t lose connection all at once.
They lose it gradually, in the small details they stop asking about, the inner worlds they stop updating, and the assumptions they begin to make instead of checking.
You can love someone deeply and still stop really knowing them.
That is why Love Maps matter.
In Gottman Method couples therapy, a Love Map is your mental picture of your partner’s inner world. Their stressors, their hopes, their history, their preferences, the things that matter to them right now. Couples with richer Love Maps tend to be better equipped to handle stress, conflict, and change together.
This guide helps you build that map again.
Inside, you’ll find 60 questions designed to help you better understand your partner, from everyday preferences to deeper fears, dreams, and emotional realities. The guide also includes a simple, game-like structure: take turns asking, answering, and seeing how much you already know.
This is not about getting every answer right.
It is about staying curious. Because intimacy is not built on assumptions. It is built on ongoing discovery.
Lisa Chen, LMFT California License #140374
Lisa Chen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy in Hermosa Beach, California. She specializes in high-achieving professionals navigating burnout, anxiety, trauma, and relationship strain, and holds advanced training in EMDR, Internal Family Systems, and Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Her clinical approach is informed by a prior career in investment banking and business development, including education at The Wharton School and Harvard Business School. She provides individual and couples therapy in person in the South Bay and via telehealth throughout California.
Quick Summary
What Is a Gottman Love Map?
Love Maps are a Gottman-based way of strengthening emotional intimacy by helping partners stay updated on each other’s inner world. This guide includes 60 questions to help couples build connection, increase understanding, and create more meaningful conversations.
If you want to deepen communication in a more intentional way, couples therapy at Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy can help.
Who This Guide Is For
This guide was created for couples who want to feel more connected by knowing each other more deeply. It is especially helpful if you are:
Feeling like you still love each other, but have become more logistical than emotionally connected.
Talking every day, but mostly about schedules, tasks, or what needs to get done.
Wanting a simple but meaningful way to feel closer again after stress, conflict, or distance.
Building a strong foundation by learning more about each other before deeper patterns set in.
Doing Gottman-informed couples therapy and wanting a practical tool to use between sessions.
Doing well outwardly but wanting more intimacy, curiosity, and emotional depth in the relationship.
This guide is not a substitute for professional care. If you are ready to go deeper, we are here.
Love Map Example: What a Completed Love Map Looks Like
Before you begin, here’s what you’re building. This is a simplified example. Yours will be more personal, and it will keep changing as your partner does.
How to Build a Love Map Together
Take turns. One partner reads a question and the other answers. If the reader already knew the answer, they earn the points. Questions range from +1 (easy) to +5 (core), so the deeper the question, the more it’s worth.
Play for 15 to 20 minutes, then switch roles. Keep score if you like, or just enjoy the conversation. When an answer surprises you, stay with it and ask, “What was that like for you?”
Gottman Love Map Questions to Get You Started
- When is my birthday?
- Where was I born?
- Name two of my closest friends.
- What’s my favorite way to spend an evening?
- What’s one of my favorite ways to relax?
- What’s my favorite weekend activity?
- What stresses am I facing right now?
- Describe in detail what I did today or yesterday.
- Who is my greatest source of support?
- What was I wearing when we first met?
- Where is my dream getaway place?
- What personal improvement am I working toward?
The full guide includes all 60 questions with point values, ready to print and play.
Download All 60 Questions (Free Printable PDF)Frequently Asked Questions
When This Feels Hard
Sometimes these questions are harder than they look.
You can't find the time. Start with ten minutes. Short and regular beats long and rare.
It feels vulnerable. Begin with the easier questions and work up to the deeper ones.
You assume you already know. Long-term partners often stop asking. Ask anyway.
You got more wrong than you expected. That isn't failure. It means your partner has grown, and your map needs updating.
If these questions bring up distance or hurt that's hard to talk about alone, that's often where couples therapy helps most.
Continue the Work
The practices in this guide are most effective when supported by skilled clinical care.
At Lisa Chen & Associates, we offer evidence-based approaches for individuals and couples throughout Los Angeles and California.
This guide is a clinical educational resource produced by Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
Published March 2026 · Last reviewed September 2026
© 2025 Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy, Hermosa Beach, CA · For personal use only · Not for redistribution · California LMFT License #140374