Gottman Exercises for Couples | Hermosa Beach Therapist | Free Resources [+PDF Guides]

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Strengthening Your Relationship: Free Gottman Exercises for Couples

In the journey of love and partnership, nurturing a strong and lasting relationship requires effort, understanding, and effective communication. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, renowned psychologists and relationship experts, have developed a series of exercises designed to help couples deepen their connection, improve communication, and navigate conflicts with greater ease. These "Gottman exercises for couples" are valuable tools that can enhance intimacy and foster a deeper bond between partners.

If you're seeking free Gottman exercises and activities to strengthen your bond, this comprehensive guide provides practical techniques inspired by the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. From Gottman couples exercises PDF guides to simple daily practices, you'll find a wealth of research-backed exercises to reignite intimacy, whether you're newlyweds establishing your foundation or a long-term couple aiming to rekindle the spark. The Gottman Method offers valuable exercises designed to foster deeper understanding, empathy, and connection between couples. These "gottman couples therapy exercises" help couples learn to communicate more effectively with "gottman therapy exercises for communication" and participate in free bonding activities. The Gottman approach provides a research-based framework for enriching your relationship, whether you're looking for "free couples therapy" resources or want to find "gottman method couples counseling near me." This introduction will guide you through powerful yet simple activities you can try at home.

By incorporating these exercises into your routine, you can breathe new life into your partnership and nurture the intimacy you both desire while exploring our free Gottman exercises for couples today to pave the way for a more fulfilling, harmonious relationship. Enjoy!

Get Your Free Gottman Exercises Guide + Exclusive Hermosa Beach Couples Therapy Offer

Your love story deserves the best tools. Discover proven strategies from world-renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. Our exclusive, free Gottman couples activities and guides offer powerful insights to transform your partnership.


What is Gottman Method of Couples Therapy and How Does it Work?

Before delving into specific exercises, let's understand the core principles of Gottman Couples Therapy. Based on decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman identified three essential skills that are fundamental to fostering a healthy and thriving relationship:

  1. Enhancing Love Maps: Love Maps refer to the understanding of your partner's inner world - their likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Couples who have strong Love Maps are more attuned to each other's needs and emotions.

  2. Nurturing Fondness and Admiration: This skill involves recognizing and appreciating your partner's positive qualities, even during challenging times. Couples who express fondness and admiration create a reservoir of goodwill that strengthens their bond.

  3. Turning Towards Each Other: Inevitably, conflicts arise in any relationship. The key is to turn towards each other, rather than away, during these moments. This skill emphasizes the importance of showing interest, affection, and support when your partner reaches out.

With these foundational skills in mind, let's explore some free Gottman exercises for couples that can help you cultivate a deeper connection and navigate the highs and lows of your relationship.


Gottman Love Maps Exercise

Gottman Love Map

A Gottman Love Map is a mental representation of your partner's world. This exercise aims to deepen your understanding of each other's innermost thoughts and feelings. Set aside time together to take the Love Maps Quiz. You can find a free version online or create your own questions. Some examples include:

  • What are your partner's top three fears?

  • What is a childhood memory your partner often talks about?

  • What is your partner's favorite way to relax?

As you answer these questions, you'll uncover new layers of understanding and strengthen your emotional connection.

Learn how to do the Love Map Exercise together with this blog post.

Download free Gottman Love Maps Exercise PDF


Turning Towards Each Other: Daily Rituals of Connection

Gottman Daily Rituals of Connection with two people holding hands

To practice turning towards each other, establish daily rituals of connection. These are small, intentional moments that allow you to show love and support. Examples include:

  • Greeting Ritual: When you come home, take a moment to embrace and share a genuine hello.

  • Appreciation Time: Before bed, share one thing you appreciate about your partner from that day.

  • Technology-Free Time: Designate an hour each day to be technology-free, focusing solely on each other.

  • 6 Second Kiss or Hug: Take the time to kiss or hug for 7 seconds, at the beginning of the day and/or night. Please remember to count!

By incorporating these rituals into your daily life, you prioritize your relationship and create opportunities for meaningful connection.


Alternate Forms of Couples Therapy & Their Effectiveness

There are several alternative forms of couples therapy beyond the Gottman Method that have shown to be effective in helping couples improve their relationships. Here are some of the notable ones:

Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) couples therapy, pioneered by Toni Herbine-Blank, offers a transformative approach to healing and deepening relationships. This innovative method integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS) with couples work, addressing both individual and relational challenges. IFIO helps partners explore their inner emotional landscape, uncovering the root causes of conflicts and disconnection. By fostering self-awareness and compassion, couples learn to navigate their triggers and vulnerabilities, leading to more authentic and fulfilling connections. Research suggests that IFIO can significantly enhance emotional intimacy, improve communication, and create lasting positive changes in relationships. This therapy empowers couples to break free from destructive patterns and cultivate a safe, nurturing bond built on mutual understanding and respect.

Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), developed by Susan Johnson, emphasizes emotional closeness as the key to fulfilling relationships. This therapy focuses on how partners communicate, particularly in light of their past experiences and emotional traumas. The aim is to help couples understand and improve their attachment and relationship cycles, which includes their emotions and behaviors. Research supports that EFT can significantly reduce stress and improve communication between partners, leading to relief and a sense of security.

Bowen Family Systems Therapy (BFST) encourages couples to differentiate themselves within their family systems. This therapy involves exploring an individual's family of origin to understand past dynamics, conflicts, and influences such as societal pressures and trauma. By creating a genogram, couples can identify patterns from their family history that they bring into their current relationship. The goal is to understand these cycles and actively choose to change them, thus fostering healthier relationship dynamics.

Narrative Couples Therapy (NCT) focuses on reauthoring the stories couples tell themselves about their past experiences. This therapy encourages couples to view their relationship as a narrative that can be rewritten to overcome pain and conflict together. By reorienting how they perceive their problems and seeing each other as sources of support, couples can find a stronger, more cohesive connection. NCT helps couples to redefine their relationship's story, promoting healing and unity.

These therapies offer various frameworks and techniques, each with its unique approach to enhancing communication, emotional connection, and mutual understanding in relationships. By addressing different aspects of relationship dynamics, they provide couples with valuable tools to build healthier, more fulfilling partnerships.

Online Therapy Services in California

Video therapy and online counseling make getting help possible.

In today's fast-paced world, finding time for your emotional well-being can be a challenge. But what if the solution was just a click away? From what our client's tell us, online therapy is just another room and virtual couch on which to explore the issues from the comfort of your own home. Online counseling at Lisa Chen & Associaes Therapy can be a convenient, comfortable, safe space for you to explore and work out what's been bothering you or holding you back. 

If you've been putting your own emotional health and wellness on hold because of your busy schedule or lack of options, you don't have to any longer.

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Gottman Appreciation Exercise: Fondness Jar

Nurturing fondness and admiration is crucial for a thriving relationship. Create a "Fondness Jar" together, where you both write down things you appreciate about each other on small pieces of paper. These can be simple gestures, personality traits, or acts of kindness. Whenever you need a boost, randomly select a note from the jar and read it aloud to each other. This exercise reinforces positivity and reminds you of the reasons you fell in love.

Some ideas or examples include:

  • “I like the way you hold me”

  • “I liked that you ran that errand for me today”

  • “I remember when you stayed up all night taking care of the kids, when I was sick.”

Make the Fondness Jar a daily practice, and after several weeks, see if your attitudes toward your partner has shifted.

Download free Gottman Fondness Jar Exercise PDF


Back-to-Back Intimacy Exercise

As a couples therapist, one of the most valuable Gottman exercises for couples that I recommend is the Gottman Back-to-Back or Wall-Facing Exercise. It's a simple but extremely powerful way to build emotional intimacy and closeness with your partner. This exercise is the perfect addition to any Gottman couples exercises PDF guide.

So what exactly is this Gottman exercise? Basically, you and your partner engage in an intimate conversation while sitting back-to-back or facing a wall together so that you eliminate visual distractions and forced eye contact.

It may sound a little silly at first, but that's the beauty of it! Not having to worry about direct eye contact helps many couples let their guard down and open up more authentically.

Download Nurturing Intimacy: Gottman's Back-to-Back Exercise for Couples (PDF)


Conflict Resolution: Softened Startup

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how you approach them makes a significant difference. Practice the "Softened Startup" technique when discussing challenging topics. This involves:

  • Gentle Start: Begin the conversation softly, without criticism or contempt. Use "I" statements to express your feelings.

  • Express Needs: Clearly state what you need or how you feel, focusing on the specific issue at hand.

  • Listen Actively: Practice active listening by paraphrasing what your partner says and showing empathy.

  • Take Breaks: If emotions escalate, agree to take a break and revisit the conversation when both are calmer.

By adopting a softened startup approach, you create a safe space for constructive dialogue and resolution.

Download free Gottman Couples Exercise for Conflict Resolution PDF


Shared Dreams Vision Board: Building Your Future Together

As a Hermosa Beach couples therapist, I've found that one of the most powerful Gottman exercises for couples is the Shared Dreams Vision Board. This exercise, rooted in the Gottman Method, helps partners align their goals and aspirations, fostering a deeper connection and shared sense of purpose.

Why Create a Shared Dreams Vision Board?

In the bustling environment of Los Angeles and the relaxed beach cities like Manhattan Beach and Hermosa Beach, it's easy for couples to lose sight of their shared dreams. This exercise helps you:

  1. Clarify your individual and shared goals

  2. Improve communication about your future

  3. Identify potential areas of conflict or misalignment

  4. Create a visual reminder of your shared aspirations

How to Create Your Shared Dreams Vision Board

Step 1: Gather Materials

Collect magazines, printed images, markers, glue, and a large poster board. Pro tip: Include local magazines featuring South Bay lifestyle to inspire your vision.

Step 2: Individual Reflection

Spend 15 minutes individually brainstorming your dreams in various life areas:

  • Career goals (perhaps a new job in Silicon Beach?)

  • Family plans (kids surfing at Hermosa Pier?)

  • Travel aspirations (weekend getaways to Catalina Island?)

  • Personal growth (learning to paddleboard or meditate on the beach?)

  • Relationship goals (regular date nights at local Manhattan Beach restaurants?)

Step 3: Share and Discuss

Take turns sharing your individual dreams. Listen actively and ask questions to understand your partner's aspirations fully. This is a crucial step in building your Love Maps, another key concept in Gottman couples therapy.

Step 4: Find Common Ground

Identify overlapping dreams and discuss how to merge differing aspirations. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate individual dreams but to create a shared vision that supports both partners.

Step 5: Create Your Board

Together, select images and words that represent your shared dreams. Arrange and glue them on your board. Get creative – maybe use sand from Hermosa Beach to add texture to your "beach home" dream!

Step 6: Display and Revisit

Place your vision board somewhere visible in your home. Make it a habit to discuss your progress and adjust your goals regularly, perhaps during a walk along The Strand or over coffee at your favorite Manhattan Beach café.

Telehealth Adaptation for Los Angeles Couples

If you're participating in telehealth couples therapy from anywhere in Los Angeles or California, you can still engage in this exercise. Create digital vision boards using tools like Canva or Pinterest, and share your screen during your online therapy session to discuss your shared dreams.


Gottman Trained Couples Therapy

Incorporating these free Gottman exercises for couples into your relationship can yield profound results. Whether you're aiming to deepen your emotional connection, improve communication, or navigate conflicts with grace, the principles of Gottman Couples Therapy provide a roadmap for success.

Remember, a strong and fulfilling relationship requires ongoing effort and dedication. By enhancing your Love Maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, and turning towards each other in times of need, you can create a resilient and loving partnership.

As you embark on this journey together, embrace these exercises as opportunities for growth and intimacy. By investing in your relationship today, you are laying the foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness.

Work with Gottman-trained therapists at Lisa Chen & Associates.

Meet Our Relationship Therapists

  • Lisa Chen Hermosa Beach Relationship Therapy

    Lisa Chen, LMFT

    Executive Director & Relationship Therapist

  • Jessica Slavin Hermosa Beach Couples Therapist

    Jessica Slavin, AMFT

    Associate Relationship Therapist

Take the first step to a stronger relationship.

Seeking a Couples Therapist in Hermosa Beach or Telehealth?

We offer expert Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Hermosa Beach, Manhattan Beach, and throughout Los Angeles. Whether you prefer in-person sessions in our Hermosa Beach office or convenient telehealth appointments anywhere in California, we're here to help strengthen your relationship.

Our group of therapists in Hermosa Beach offers a range of services for individuals, couples, and families. Whether you prefer face-to-face sessions or the convenience of online therapy, our clinicians provide personalized support based on Gottman's methods.

Our Service Areas

We're proud to serve couples throughout the South Bay and beyond:

  • Hermosa Beach couples therapy

  • Manhattan Beach relationship counseling

  • Redondo Beach marriage counseling

  • El Segundo couples workshops

  • Torrance relationship retreats

  • Los Angeles couples therapy

With a focus on professional counseling, Lisa Chen & Associates’ aim is to guide you through life's hurdles and help you rediscover yourself. For those outside the South Bay area in California, teletherapy services are available statewide. Reach out today to schedule a consultation with the best Couples Therapist near you!

Client Testimonials

  • Lisa Chen & Associates transformed our relationship. We're so grateful to have found such a skilled couples therapist right here in Hermosa Beach."

    Sarah and John, Hermosa Beach

  • As a busy couple, we appreciated the flexibility of telehealth sessions. The results were just as powerful as in-person therapy. We were able to work on several long-standing resentments with Lisa.

    - Michael and Emily, Los Angeles

  • Juggling careers and kids, we were skeptical about finding time. But working with Lisa Chen & Associates has been a game-changer for us. Her deep understanding of the unique pressures we face and her advice led to better communication and less conflict. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and we owe a big part of that to Lisa.

    Mike and Emily, Hermosa Beach